Tag Archives: Barbie

Sleep, sleep, or lack of it!

We seem to have a universal lack of sleep at our house.  Gone are the university days when we stayed up late studying only to find ourselves safely ensconced under cosy covers at noon the next day.  When I became a parent I suddenly found that I had become …. what’s the word? …. scheduled!

In the days of freedom anything went.  If I was tired I’d sleep.  If I felt like recreating I’d go to a movie – no need to check showtimes or ratings.  If I was hungry, I’d open a can of tuna, squeeze a dollop of mayo on top, and pick up a fork.  I didn’t even have to recycle the can after my impromptu picnic as there was never any little elves staring at me with wide horrified eyes!

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.  Kids train parents! If any of you disagree with me on this one, please let me know.  Before you casually hit the “comment” button, stop and think about it for minute.  Are you actually convinced you do have power over your offspring …. or are you just living in denial.

Let me give you some examples ….

Exhibit A:

Think about preparing a meal.  You dish out the food on everyone’s plate, you all sit down happily to your repast and … “Mommy – can I have some more mashed potatoes please?”  In your mind you measured out the perfect amounts – happily there were no extras to sit in bowls in the fridge and rot – and you have not one mouthful to spare.  Actually … you do.  You have what’s on your plate.  Hungry or not, what would you likely say:

a)  “You can have it if you want, but I already spat on it.”

b)  Yell, “It’s mine and you aint gettin’ any of it!”

c)  Produce your best crocodile tears to accompany the words, “It’s not fair, I don’t ever get what I want!”

d) Quickly gobble them down at high speed, not waiting to swallow so that you can get in as much as you can.  Fait accompli!

e)  Sigh … and hand ’em over!

Answer:  Hmmm.  See – I was right!  On to the next question:

Exhibit B:

When you find out that every child in your kid’s class has been “asked” to bring a Barbie to your little wonder’s birthday party, and grandma has been cajoled into the latest Barbie movie, you:

a)  Gently explain that you care about her self-esteem and body image, and hand her a Kleenex to drown her tears

b) Say, “Cool!  I wonder how many Barbie’s it would take for Mythbusters to light a bonfire in October?”

c)  Warn the mothers, and post a Barbie-proof “bouncer” at the door to ward off disreputable guests

d)  Pretend to bake a “Barbie Cake” (don’t forget to put the movie in there too!) and forget to check the oven

e)  Change the birthday theme to “Malibu-Barbie-Princess-Fairy” and hand over the popcorn!

Answer:  Need I say it!  (For those of you who don’t have kids and think you have even the slightest chance – think again!  Even AJ has been cajoled by the dulcet darlings into watching each and every Barbie movie at least twice!)

EXHIBIT C:

When junior climbs into your bed for the seventh time since midnight for the fourth night in a row, do you …

a)  Spit out, “It’s my room.  Kids are not allowed!  Didn’t you read the sign!”

b)  Practice your latest Karate throw, hoping they arrive intact at their bedroom door

c)  Give your kid a hug while gloating in the fact that you purposefully ate garlic for dinner and didn’t brush your teeth – that’ll send ’em back in a hurry!”

d)  Drowsily rally all your mental power to follow Supernanny Jo’s advice and gently lead your kid back to bed each time

e) Turn to your husband/partner and blearily growl, “It’s YOUR turn to sleep on the couch!  Move it!”

Answer:  See!  Answer (e) is becoming a trend with you!

I hate to say it folks, but I rest my case.  We like to think we’re in control … but we aren’t!  We have been brainwashed – retrained into becoming newer, brighter, shinier, and more sleep-deprived!  The good news is that all of this flexibility may lead to longer life.  Or perhaps our new lease on life may come from the glee we experience when we see our erstwhile tormentors retrained by their own kids.  Until then, in the words of climate-change scientists, “We are doomed!”  Our only hope is to occasionally stick out our tongue behind the back of our juvenile taskmasters.  If this doesn’t make you feel better, you could always blissfully hiss under your breath, “Just wait until you have kids of your own!”

Advertisements

Graduation

I dragged myself out of bed this morning, madly throwing clothes at people, and finally we were all dressed for Claire’s preschool graduation.  Except for me, of course.  For those of you who don’t know, we are staying with the in-laws while our house is being “renovated.”  Challenges on days like today include finding items that you just knew were there last time you looked.  I looked everywhere for my good shoes but eventually had to clunk to the car at top speed donning wide-toed flats.  Under normal circumstances these shoes look rather good with dress pants.  Today, with an elegant skirt …  well … let’s say they weren’t exactly the height of fashion!

To be quite honest, my five year old thinks I’m beautiful in a variety of unlikely circumstances and I also don’t have any challenges from my thirteen year old who can hear my voice but whose visual impairment protects her from knowledge of my flaws.  How could your mother be anything but beautiful if you can’t see her clearly!  Even if I was the most ugly woman on the planet, their view of me is guaranteed to make me feel like a million dollars no matter how I’m dressed!

The other day I heard a radio announcer discussing physical appearance – most specifically the “average” woman.  For those of you who don’t know, Barbie is not the average woman!  The average woman is, in fact … ME!   After listening to the John Tesh Radio Show I discovered that I am the epitome of “average.”  I am the average height and weight of all women in North America.  Just imagine – even if you don’t know who I am, you could get an idea by walking down the street.  Anyone who looks “average” could actually be me!

In my desire to look a little better than average, we were actually late for Claire’s graduation.  When we arrived there was a cheer in the room where the kids were anxiously gathered, and I hurriedly took out my makeup purse, powdered Claire’s nose, dragged a brush through her hair, and then chased her with lipgloss while the kids started to line up at the door.  It was definitely worth it.  When her class entered the auditorium she was literally glowing!

Claire wore a long pink cotton dress and looked so cute!  She rubbed at the powder on her nose, scratched at her leggings, but then soon settled down.  She looked so gorgeous up there – my heart glowed and I was a really proud parent today!!

Claire’s best friend, Daisy, was in the front row.  Her biological dad hadn’t come, just her adoptive grandparents, and it was hard not to notice how sad she looked.  My heart went out to her, and I wondered if he knew how much he was missed.

Claire surprised me by knowing all the words to the songs.  She, and her fellow grads sang about fishes bubbling in the sea, monkey’s in the trees, and God’s love for everyone.  After this, she lined up with her fellow grads for her graduation certificate and a photo with Miss Terry her favorite teacher who has a lovely smile and long, blonde hair.

The mood following the party was somewhat jovial, spoiled by a momentary fight between Claire and her friend Daisy, who was still not feeling as happy as she could be.  Claire ended up in tears until Daisy relented, and then the little divas had a goodbye hug before piling into their respective cars.

We took our kids, the happy grandparents, and Julie’s helping friend Violet to Tim Hortons for a celebratory doughnut.  Poor Julie had sat so patiently through Claire’s graduation ceremony, and decided to let us know that she was not going to sit still a moment longer.  It’s very difficult when a child who is in a wheelchair doesn’t like to be thus confined, and she cried and fussed until AJ lifted her up.  When I returned to the table with our doughnuts and coffee, it was to the sight of AJ sitting with our thirteen year old draped over his shoulder – a rather tall thirteen year old who was obviously experiencing cramps in her crooked back from sitting still for so long.  When she had been given a backrub and returned to her chair, she did what teenagers do very well, and inhaled everything she was fed.  It was lovely, for me, to have her helping friend along today, as Claire didn’t want to share me with anyone on her special day.

As a special treat, Claire was allowed a small iced cappuccino, which became self-evident on the way home.  After bouncing up and down a few times, rolling her window up, rolling her window down, rolling her window up, rolling her window down, rolling the window up, rolling the window down, etc. (I’m sure you get the picture), AJ finally reached the end of his patience and clicked the “parent control” from the drivers seat.  I caught a gasp and a momentary look of dismay on Claire’s face as her window closed.  “What’s wrong?” I asked.  “Nothing!” she hissed softly.  Then, seeing the look of enquiry on my face she leaned over and confided in a whisper … “When the window closed, my piece of snot was trapped!”

Well … so ends another wonderful day in chocolatecherrypie land!